I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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