Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
