guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Randomize
