She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
