the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
