I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
