kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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