Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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