He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
