Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
