everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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