Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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