This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
