Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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