How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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