You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
