My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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