Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I forget how to act sober
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
