And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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