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Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
