listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
