my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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