I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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