I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
