When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
