I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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