She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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