we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She needs sedatives and a leash
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
