smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
