okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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