Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize