Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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