so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
