we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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