1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
