is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
