he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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