Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
