Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
