jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
