you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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