I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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