You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
