Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
