Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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