I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
