Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
