Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
