matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize