I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
