a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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