kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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