Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
