why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
