I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
