we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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