Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize