Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
