I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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