i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
false alarm. still invincible.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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