It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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