the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
