ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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