also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This baby is an asshole
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
