$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
