I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
