haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
