he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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