So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
