Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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