Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
