You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
