if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
