Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
