Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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