Pappa wants mamma naked
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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