Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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