kristin has been a bad kristin
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
