i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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